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it means that she couldn't take it
anymore.
If you take her hand,
she would stay with you for the rest of
your life;
If you let her go,
she couldn't go back to being herself
anymore.
A girl wont cry easily,
Except in front of the person
who she love the most,
she becomes weak.
A girl wont cry easily,
only when she loves you the most,
she put down her ego.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you
please hold her hands firmly,
she's the one who would stay
with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you,
please dont give her up,
maybe bcoz of your decision,
you ruin her life.
When she cry rite in front of you,
When she cry bcoz of you,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's
feeling?
Think.
Which other girl have cried
wif pure sincerity,
Infront of you,
And bcoz of you?
She cry not because she is weak,
She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or
pity,
She cry,
Because crying silently is no longer
possible,
the pain,hurt,n agony have
become too big a burden to be kept
inside.
Guys,
Think about it,
If a girl cry her heart out 2 you,
And all because of you,
Its time to look back on wat u have
done,
Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it,
Coz one day,
It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say "im sorry".
To my friends...
Ponder this message seriously.
Dont do dis to a girl,
You may regret for the rest of your
life.
Maybe in your life,
she's the only one that love
YOU the most.
Guys.. If u hav a gal who cry 4 u..
think
wat u
should do straight away..
I m feeling very terrible.... but who will be there for me?
I started to hate life again!!!!
I feel tat my life is a set of show which is continously playing misery.
Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me, you would be here with me.
You want me, come find me.
Make up your mind.
Should’ve let you fall,
Lose it all,
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can’t keep believing,
We’re only deceiving ourselves,
And I’m sick of the lies,
And you’re too late.
Couldn’t take the blame,
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you’re jaded,
You can’t play the victim this time.
You never call me when you’re sober,
You only want it ‘cause it’s over - it’s over.
How could I have burned paradise.
How could I, you were never mine?
So, don’t cry to me.
If you loved me, you would be here with me.
Don’t lie to me, just get your things.
I’ve made up YOUR mind.
========================================
I remember who I though you were
So kind, so gentle I thought for sure.
I gave you all the trust I had
I never thought you'd treat me bad,
I never thought you'd make me cry,
I never thought I'd want to die.
Just when I thought I've walked out of the dark world,
You pushed me back into the dark and cold pit.
You said you always care about me,
But how can I feel when it doesnt seems like it?
It makes me wonder,
"What are you thinking now?
.....Am I just a worthless piece of trash to you?
.....A waste of your time?
Although I love you dearly,
Through all of the pain you have put me through,
Every minute that passes by,
I seem to think of you.
I don't understand it,
What did I do to you?
To make you hurt me,
And treat me this way.
You treat me like I'm nothing,
Like I'm not even here,
And when I cry,
.....You don't care it's because of you I shed the tear.
Everything you took from me,
My heart, my soul,
I wish I could take it all back
I wish I could get back on track
I wish that I could've seen
Your intentions, not kind, but purely mean.
I doubt you'll ever care
That you striped my soul completely bare.
You've changed my life so fast
But to you, its just the past.
So I hide away my pain,
and you don't know you've won,
You think you're always right,
It doesn't matter what I say,
So I'll hide away in my room for another night.
- Music:Lithium - evanescence
put yourself in my shoes
lets trade feelings
let see from each others views
what if you're the one thats dying inside
and is ashamed about admitting it
what if you saw me one day kissing some other guy?
what if you were the one that ended up looking like a fool?
what if you saw me and i was all hugged up with a boy that not my guy?
what if you were the one that believed all those ridiculess lies?
what if I'm the one that was caught doing all those things you did to me?
what if you were the one that saw something you didn't wanna see?
and what if i didn't have the answer to your question as to why i did it?
would you do as i did and throw a fit?
what if i told you that its not how it seems?
and it broke all your dreams?
what if you never found it in your heart to forgive your baby?
yes, no, or maybe?
do you get what I'm trying to accomplish here?
are you not answering out of fear...
that you might say something wrong and i would be gone forever
cause by the way things are going this ain't gonna last very long
and even though alone I'm still strong
...so many questions...
what if i was the one that broke our promise?
what if i was the one that went for the forbidden way?
and what if i did this everyday?
and even though i knew it was wrong i didn't care?
and during all this you weren't aware?
....now do you see?
and even after all this you ask for my forgiveness?
after you created all this mess?
....i should be the one apologizing...to myself
for being easily deceived...
so its not your fault....i forgive you...
Got so much sadness I don't know what to do with it.
You tell me you are still in love with me.
But I am confused and don't know
if you actually believe we were meant to be.
Please don't lie to me, tell me the truth.
Do you or don't you want to be with me?
Sometimes your actions make me feel like you don't care about me.
At times I feel like letting you go,
but then again my love for you keeps me from doing so.
I feel you are playing games with my heart.
When you act like you don't care it tears me apart.
I cry many nights because sometimes I feel you are lying to me.
I don't know if your eyes are open far enough for you to see the way you hurt and confuse me.
You don't let me know when I did something to hurt or upset you.
I can't read your mind or speak for you,
it's something YOU have to do.
I get the feeling some-thing's not right.
The light of love that once shine in us seems to have gone out.
You leave me with so much to doubt.
It's tearing me apart being with you, but if I break up with you I feel like I've been torn in two.
I hurt inside no matter what I do.
I am in a state of confusion, only you know (or maybe u don't) how you feel about me.
So tell me, do you or don't you love
me?
- Mood:
depressed
i really hate her.... how i wish she ganna run down by a car or something!!!!
anyway.... i think is been a long long time since i last login n update my blog... cuz i just feel cannot be bothered n the other thing is... too busy with work n stuff... i just wanna hide in a corner!!!!!!!!
sigh... after so long that i stop cutting, i did it again on last sat!!!!! tats becuz i really really cannot take it anymore..... i need to vent my boredom, frustration. i just do not wish to talk to anybody or anyone... i rather keep quiet n stuff everything to myself!!!
i cut it again becuz i had faced some shity things at work! that explain my subject!!!!
i feel ah, sometimes i also do not understand myself. i do not know wat the fuck i want! i just only want simple things in my life leh, but i dunno why everytime my mind is just spliting!!!!!!!!!! sigh.......
love is a very strange thing. i want simplicity, i do not want complications. love make u happy, it makes u sad, it leave u with complexity, it brings u sorrow. i just dunno why....
how should i make my descision? follow heart, or follow mind? follow heart result u in temporary comfort zone but result in unsatisfying ending. follow mind result u in permanent good ending but cause a heart break in the temporary moment. so wat should i do?
there is nuthing as best of both world!! or else, there is no need for a balance to work!!! if one side goes up, the other sure go down!! isnt it??€
ok la, i guess me gotta log off liao, back to my fucking station!! n continue hanging my plastic face!!!
ciao ciao
- Mood:
tired - Music:buttons-pcd (MOS)
these are my halloween pics...
the pinkest skirt i think i would ever wear...
Michael Jackson's dad came to MOS!!! hahaha.... Oh well... I gotta see him... n he smiled at me also..nuthing special is just tat is one famous person's father.. so many body guards surrounding him... got him red carpet also.. hahaha.... I doubt tat he will give us people tips lo...hahaha
so boring, still updating my journal again.... so fucking tired... n my spine is so damn hurtful.... i think wat i need is a real good massage... haha..
dunno who will be so good hor to massage me... hahaha....
i doubt so la, so can wait long long....
- Mood:
cold
nuthing to do...
this month wish-list:
- a digital camera
- creative neeon 2 mp3
- a brand new handphone
- do my brows
- get my nails done
- cut my hair
i hope i can fulfill all these within this month!! haha...
well, anyway i m going to Indonesia this coming sunday.... getting kinda happy n sad at the same time... well, dun ask why....
me will be going with my bestie... mandy tan wee bee... ops!!!
haha...
so sian at work... fucking boring.... events over liao.... now resume back to regular operation. sian.....
so many politics, so many conflicts, so many fake faces.... i m just so sick n tired of the managers here esp .....
well, i just make sure tat i do my work well...watever they ask me to do i just do, regardless of the sai gang (shit work) or watsoever, nevermind, i just do only.....i tahan only...
well, aidah was proposing to me tat maybe on tues or one of the off days, we have a steam boat at her house... emmmm.... nice idea... well, just dunno when will it be only... then will be bringing my mum's special blended chilli with me!!!! hahahaha....
tonight is a hip hop, r n b night... sure have a lot of hip hop wannabes one.... so sian.... hahahaha
DJ josh is disturbing me again...
guess wat i m doing now???
haha.... u wouldnt believe tat i m actually working NOW!!!!! but who cares? haha.... n still i m updating my journal!!!
kekeke...
i start to hate the people surrounding me!! I dunno why...
i dun understand tat why people like to create politics.... i dun understand tat why as being a manager, they dont care about everything about their staff... why kind of fucked up manager is tat?
i tell myself, i would want to become the 'people manager'... cuz simply there r only 2 types of manager, 1 is they only care about themselves, make sure tat everything is dione properly n wanting the boss or whosoever to recongized their 'hard' effort. n the other kind is tat the manager really care about their own staff, make sure they dun die first. care about small little things, becuz that is wat makes the difference!!!
fucked my own manager! i think they dun even deserve to be one. selfish pig!
should ask them to go n study OB n POM!!! in order to become the 'people' manager!! haha
so wat if they have high education? they dun even understand or they dun even know the basic principle of controlling their own department.
so i said should ask them go n fucked off!!!
sigh....
politics is ownself creation mixed with other gossip. dun u think so?
i cant even control my own behaviour, mood, emotions, how u expect me to tame others?
so all i do is just to continue to swallow n vent all my frustration within my blade n me in my own comfort.
- Mood:
annoyed - Music:bananaramas-- some stupid retro song!!!
I may not be as PRETTY as others.
I may not be as SKINNY as others.
I may not be as PERFECT as others.
But for sure,
I knows wat it takes to be like in a very depressive state.
When u know tat others sorta given up,
Leave u there hanging by ur own fate.
I have been trying hard to change to another new me.
But y is it tat people dun give me a chance to.
I use to cut myself when things became too much
when thoughts would rush thru my head.
Pain would captivate me
and i needed a way for it to aid.
I hated myself
and saw that my future was dead.
I hate admiting to cuting myself because of the way people react to it.
I will admit that im ashamed of it
I dont like talking about it ..its like talking to people who have never done it they make me feel inhuman and insane ...
- Mood: sad
-----------------------------------
There u are... Jasmine!! we haf dinner at Cineleisure!
these are the pictures on yuan yuan birthday!! Happy 22nd burp'day!!!!
Editor: ME!!!
- Mood: lonely
- Music:thrice - image of the invisible
I woke up at about 7pm. Reached home at about 8am. But I sleep at about noon time. So fucking tired. No one date me out. So I stayed at home. Watched two movies both on channel 5 n u.
= Saturday =
PRE-HALLOWEEN CELEBRATION - {{Welcome To The AWFULLY SPOOK-TACULAR CIRCUS}}
Man!!! Was a FUCKING busy night!!! Soooo many people. But I dun mind cuz I stand at the main entrance. I REALLY dun mind man!!! hahaha.... The whole club was so packed!!! In fact was FULL HOUSE!!! Quit a number of customer came in costume! So therefore they got the free entrance. They really do put in effort to make up n stuff, get the costume n blah blah blah.
We, the CSO dressed up in ca-can skirts with super heavy make up! hahaha...
I got my make up done by M.A.C make up artist. haha... quite satisfied with the make up. I feel very foxy. haha..
Last minute got a major meeting with club manager till about 7 plus in the morning!!! haha... He was like saying tat on MONDAY got a company dinner together with everybody working in the club. Doubt tat I m going cuz I still got basic theory early the next day!! haha. Cannot afford to fail again man!
Will upload my halloween pic when I upload it!!!
- Mood: bored
::=:: SUNDAY ::=:: 15/10/2006
Woke up damn damn damn EARLY for Yuan Yuan's Burp'day celebration! The night before I finish work, I took the very first transport home!! N I slept at around 9am plus n I woke up at about 2pm, only had a few hour of sleep. The gang mit at about 2.30pm for the KTV @ Partyworld Orchard!! I reached there at about 3pm plus, oh well they know tat I always late one, so anyway, I sat for a while before I went stonning!!! hahaha... so sleepy n tired.
We took pictures, sing song, laugh, talk cock etc... At about 6 plus close to 7pm, we walk to Cineleisure for dinner at CHICAGO's Steakhouse. The food over there wasnt really like fantastic but still edible la.... Yuan yuan, gotta rushed off about 8pm, cuz he gotta book in!!! So rushing hor??
We got him the jeans tat he wanted but end up is a lil too big for him. But dun worry cuz is changeable one. He quite happy la.... Tats's it for sunday.
After the dinner, all of us - Louis, Mandy, Jasmine, Kailing, Huiting n me - dunno where to go man. REALLY no idea, so we walk like aimlessly till we reach HMV, I had to go n punched a few more holes for my belt. At that moment, so many things came across my mind. I m just so scared.
After tat, Ting ting n Louis went home. So left with the rest, we went to the youth park kopitiam there to sit down n talk cock.... talk about memories, school days, bfs, life etc..... sigh....
Went back with Jasmine talking CAB, cuz ah, me so damn tired liao...
Thats it for the day man!!
Sianz.... tomolo still gotta go n try out the halloween costumes!
::=:: MONDAY ::=:: 16/10/2006
Woke up at about 3 pm plus, cuz me gotta go n meet JUSTIN, one of the marketing guy from MOS. To try out the Halloween costumes sponsored by SINGTEL. MOS is having like a circus theme so we will be dress like cabaret girls like tat, either with corset n pom pom skirts or extreme dresses tat will make us look like mamasan!! haha....
Venue: 12A Bali Lane
Time: 5pm
I quickly get changed n everything, n ask my dad to fetch me there... haha, so lazy to take train n walk. Wa lau, the PSI today is so damn bad, 130 over man!!! Is damn foggy lo.... so foggy tat I dun even feel like smoking anymore..
Caught a show today, 'The Departed' by Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio (think I got his name spelled wrongly but ay ya, who cares la), the show is like the HongKong show - 'Infernal Affairs', but is the US version one... The ending is a lil different, everybody died... haha... thinking tat there will be a part 2, a sequel to it. hahaha
So damn tired when I reached home, think like falling sick again!!
Kepp on having very weird dream these past few days... is it tat I m dying soon or wat?? Like a really fine hairline between my dreams n the reality. Is just as if Ibefore I woke up, I just step out of my dream, I feel tat is so damn scary... Help Me...Wats wrong with me man? Think I m dying....
Then woke up at 5 am, go n pee then updating livejournal then later in a while me going back to sleep again!!!
Hoping no more dreams!!!
- Mood: tired
- Music:死性不改 - Twinz
My back aches like hell man!! I dunno... So bloody painful!
I still cannot forget wat happen the day before!
A big fight between MOS staff n the customer from Estee Club! I m so lazy to elaborate the story again! So m just gonna summarise it!
This group of Estee Club customer was having some internal fights among themselves outside of MOS at about 5 plus. N we MOS staff just sat down n watched the fight lo, as we were waiting for our transport. Then I also dunno wat happen, one of the stupid ball-less lau kok kok ah beng hit one of our staff's husband who came n picked his PREGNANT wife from work. As I have mentioned, is a PREGNANT lady, of course her emotion will be damn extreme when she saw her husband being hit! She went over n try to stop the fight n pulled her husband away. So few of our staff went n pull her away cuz she is bloody hell PREGNANT!!
As her emotions went to the extreme, she shout n shout n seems like she loose control... then the ah beng friend continue hiting her husband n the lau kok kok ah beng just push the pregnant lady n punched her n she tripped n fell. Wat a LOSER!!! I witnessed everything man! I wanna help her but I was scared. I did try n stop but I was just scared!
After he punched her, the lau kok kok ah beng's 'siao eh' (gf) went over to our staff (pregnant lady) n continue hiting her together with one of the ah lians! They r so bloody inhuman man!!! I really cursed n swear tat they will die horribly!!!!! HOW can they punched n push a PREGNANT lady!!!!!!!
I was so angry!! Both me n my colleague were so shocked, stunned, worried n angry!!
Then in the end, police n paramedics came. Both the lau kok kok beng n his gf got into a cab trying to flee. But was stop by the policeman. The cab driver wanna ciao already then the policman said to the driver that he cannot gurantee tat the cab driver's license will not be suspended! the ah beng were so bo-ji!!! Hit people liao then want to run away! I hate those kind of people! The whole ah beng were like already old people liao, chinese somemore!! N our staff were Malay people!! So can u see a difference?
Stupid chinese!!
I m so ashame of my own race man!!!
Then the police ask the ah beng to get out of the cab, but his gf refused to let him get out. So finally he got no choice but to get out! So ashamed!!!!
End up, our staff were being send to the hospital just to make sure tat the baby is ok. But I dunno wat is the outcome la... I just hope n pray hard tat both the baby n the mother is ok. N I cursed n swear at those shameless people!!!!
I really cannot forget it!! So damn bloody fucking inhuman!!!!!! Bloody chee bye!!! I make sure they dun pass by MOS ah, n make sure they dun come to MOS!!!! I will fucking ban them!!!! Na bey chee bye!!!
Anyway, back to today, I have to sleep early man! Cuz later about 1.30pm, we r going to celebrate yuan yuan auntie's birthday!! hahaha....
aight, ciao now!!
*yawn*
- Mood: enraged
- Music:My Baby You - Marc Anthony
friendster url: http://www.friendster.com/ling08
myspace url: http://www.myspace.com/ling_world_of_co
*oh, btw myspace is really a great website... think u guys should really have one account too! is so user-friendly!!
spent quite some time to modify my layouts!!
woke up so damn early today, abt 8 plus close to 9 o'clock, i m already up!!! well tats becuz i slept rather early the night before, I was surfing VS till I fall asleep in front of my com, so can u imagine how tired i m man!! woke up tat ealr, quickly got my teeth brushed, then go downstair trying to see if my epok epok sardine still surviving or not!! haha
but when i was there liao, my epok sardine finish liao! so sad, so end up buy 1 potato one.... sigh... have a fag first before heading home...
when i reach home, i was in the net till now lo... so now feeling alil tired!! think might be going to for a nap later on!!
so sianz!!!
- Mood: bored
- Music:How Do I Breathe - Mario
Slept raher early the night before, I fall asleep in front of the tv again! *duh! dunno how many times liao* haha!!
So tats why I woke up abt 12 plus in the noon time!
haha......
I m going out later to check if I can withdraw my money or not... sigh.. no broke, no money!!
sigh...
sick, poor, sigh... wat more man!
- Mood:
blah
Stupid haze!!
Just woke up to go pee.....
now going back to bed liao...
- Mood:
sick
I went to Geylang Serai Bazzar with Azreen.... was so packed... went down to just walk walk... Memories flow back to me... But I just keep quiet n cool...
Of course I gotta move on..
Georgia told me tat HE was rather cool about it, he look sad la for the first few days n after that he was rather ok..... After I getto know about it, I starts to feel like a fool. I starts to think about wat my colleague had told me...
I dun have any REGRETS in my life, be it if he is really wat my colleague had describe or not, I choose to be cool...
n Wateva it is, he have leave me with the scars.. n every scars have a story behind it.
Anyway, we went to the bazzar. so packed, so crowded, quite a few of baboks... haha, they keep on staring at him.. cuz he is the kind that those baboks like ma.. we bought alot of food, end up cant really finish it. Have a very nice day la, even though was super hot n sweaty, tot of going back again maybe today..
is not the place tat u go, is the company that u r with... isnt it the truth?
Gues wat? Fucked man! I haven get my pay yet, chee bye!!! Dunno how the office do things one also...
No Money, No Honey.....
Sianz... Bored, Wu Liao, sigh.....
- Mood:
content
We broke up.....
On this very day, Tuesday Morning about 6am plus... we were still on the phone, trying to see if there is any other way to salvage this bumpy relationship that we r having. But in the end, he came out with a sentence that goes: I think is better that we should leave each other, at least I can go n do my stuff like catching up with my friends, listen to my music, concentrate on my work, save money etc.... n who knows after a period of time, both of us still single, I can still woo u back..... Thanks for everything, n ya, take care Miss Weiling... bye bye...
With a sentence like this, my mind was blank... yes, I feel sad. But I also believe that it could be the best way out. Before we came to a decision, ideas like, joint account n blah blah blah was like a lost path for me. I did cried... but as I have promised, I wont do silly things... so I dint. The thought of taking out my razor was just as close as I was going to break the promise. I was calm, I used my mind to really think.
Right after he said :" take care MISS WEILING" I cried immediately... becuz he has NEVER call my name in front of me so seriously. I really feel terrible, but I dint show the kind of emotions that I was going thru the next day at work. I told one of my colleague, she feel so sad for me. One of my security ask me- hey is ur bf malay- I was so offended, I used the clipboard that I was holding, I gave him a very big hit! I did apologies to him for shouting at him n beat him with that clipboard so hard. Of Course he was mad initially la, but after I explained things to me, he is fine with it...
I find it so hard not to think about it. When everytime I got my break time, n I m alone having my break... I would break into tears.. n quickly wipe it away if anybody were to pass by....
I eat ALOT... really alot.... till my colleagues find it scary...
From Tuesday till Saturday, I really dint received any calls or msg from him. I wanted to return his mum's phone to him on the saturday, but I couldnt decide if I m going to pass it thru my colleague n ask my colleague to pass it to him or I should return him personally.. End up I dint, cuz I feel very lost after work, I went back home straight away even though my colleagues ask me out for breakfast n stuff. I was the earliest person to leave the office. I finish work at about 5am, I reach home about 5.45am. I feel so lost, sad, lonely......
I told my best friend about it thru msg... but seems like she is too busy to like really find out wat happen n stuff... so I also let it be... Maybe people around me is sick n tired of wats happening in my life...
JUST LIKE THE POEM THAT I HAVE POSTED BOTH IN MY FRIENDSTER N LIVE JOURNAL.....
Poems is like this, it describe wat the person is going thru n how he/she feels...... which happens to be the truth...
- Mood: listless
Well, I came back home at about 12 plus in the afternoon, then i went sleep straight away!!! so bloody tired man!!! Then, about 6 plus in the evening, Shirleen n the rest came bugging me to wake up!! so tired man! *yawn* Before Shirleen step into my house ah, her voice reach first!! haha....
Woke up, brush my teeth then start chatting with them.. then wait for a while before dinner starts.... those guys can really eat man!!!
First - steamboat, fried chix etc
Second - follow by fruits : watermelon, durian, pear
Third - munchies
alot of food man!! haha... Stupid Rayyan brought the smelly durian to my room! Purposely stink my room, cuz everybody know tat I dun eat durian!!! IDIOT!!! haha... then I chase him out of my room man!! haha... I hide myself in the room while they r eating durian! This is how much my hatred towards durian!!! YUCKS
After dinner, Shirleenn me went to play pool while the rest of them (Cindy, Shirleen's bf-Gavin n Rayyan) went home.
spend the rest of the night outside till about 5 plus then reach home....
call it off a day!!!
Sometimes, is nice to have a gathering once in a while.... get everybody to sit down n eat n talk cock together.... hahaha... oh well, the main host will still be my dear parents.... tats y I love u guys man!!! *MUACKS*
- Mood: happy
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